Hello 35

9. January 2012 by Lindy.

It’s been a while since I’ve updated, but we’ve had a few things we were celebrating. 

First it was Thanksgiving.  The kids were going to have a Thanksgiving camp-out in the basement.  It never happened.  They got scared and slept in their own beds.  Oh well.  Maybe next year..

We made cinnamon ornaments with my mom.  They smell SO good!

We celebrated Dale Ver Beek’s (my father-in-law) birthday.  Happy Birthday again Dad!

This picture is from Christmas, but it’s the most recent one I have of him.  Besides, he’s holding a really cute kid.

The kids saw Santa.  Yep, his beard is real.

We had a lot of nice Christmas parties with our extended families and our own family.

Overall, we had a good Christmas and New Year.  I’m so happy I was able to do it off chemo. 

About a month ago, we booked a trip to Florida.  So we’ll take off for that soon.  We can’t wait!  The kids can’t wait and Brooklyn is counting down the days.  I look forward to the warm air, warm sun and the salt water ocean breeze.  We were planning on going to Disney for a day while we were there too. 

For those of you who know me.  I’m a kind of a control freak.  I’m a planner.  I like to have my ducks in a row.  I like to know what to expect. 

When I realized our plane doesn’t assign seats.  I bought them.  I bought row 6.  Why row 6 you ask?  Because I don’t want my family in the back of the plane.  Why?  Because they board back to front.  I would prefer our three-year-old twins to board last.  The less time they spend sitting on the plane while it’s not moving, the better.  The quicker they can get off the plane, the better.  Was it worth $80.00 round trip?  I don’t know.  We’ll have to wait and see. 

So for Disney, we weren’t going to buy tickets at the gate.  Oh no, I was going to buy the tickets on line so I can have them in my hand when we get to the gate.  But each time I went to click on the “check out” button something interrupted me from buying the tickets.  My phone rang, one of my children started crying, there was a knock at the door or I wanted to ask Dusty if he wanted me to book a meal plan with them. 

As you can see, I have a bit of a control/planner problem.

I have everything prepurchased, planned and we are starting to pack.  Except we don’t have Disney tickets.

Here’s where God comes in.

Around the same time we were planning a trip to Florida, we also filled out an application to Inheritance of Hope.  www.inheritanceofhope.org.  We sent it in and forgot about it. 

On Christmas Eve, I got a message from Jill at I.O.H.  When we connected again, she told me our family was chosen for their next retreat….drum roll please….to…….. Disney World in February!  I was shocked.  Completely speechless.  Mouth gaping open.  Never in a million years did I think we would have been chosen so soon.  Still sitting there with my jaw on the floor, she went on to say it’s all expenses paid, airfare included with four day Disney park hopper passes for everyone in our family.  Then she said to talk to my husband about it and let her know.  I picked my jaw up off the floor and said I would call her back in the morning. 

Dusty and I talked about it.  We decided that it’s doable with his vacation time.  Herman Miller has been wonderful to us.  They’re a great company.  The timing works well with my next scheduled appointments at U of M and it’s a long weekend so Brooklyn won’t miss a lot of school.  Then with me being a woman and needing extra support, I called Jill and my mom who both, without hesitation, said “GO!  Do it!”.  So….We’re going.  We’re doing it. 

Now here we are.  I’m packing the family to leave on what I thought would be our last great family trip.  I could lay eyes on the ocean at least one more time.  Pick up shells with the kids.  Watch the sunrise.  Who knows.  But God had something up his big giant sleeve.  A second trip to Disney!  Back-to-back Florida trips!  We are blessed.   

I think God made my phone ring.  He had someone come to the door.  And yes, had one of my kids cry.  It was His way of saying “slow down My little control freak, planner girl.  I have something better for you and your family.”  

Maybe you think that sounds a little crazy.  That God doesn’t work through Disney.  Even I think that sounds a little silly.  I know He worked through Inheritance of Hope.  Being able to do two Florida trips with my family before the next round of chemo is amazing.  I think that has God written all over it. 

P.S.  It’s my birthday on Saturday.  Happy Birthday to me.  Hello 35.

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Update

30. November 2011 by Lindy.

We spent the last two days in Ann Arbor at U of M.  Monday was my scan day.  Tuesday we saw Dr. Schott. We were anxious to see how the cancer reacted to the Clinical Trial/Chemo I was on for the last nine weeks.  The results were disappointing.

The spots in my lungs shrunk slightly and the spot in my brain didn’t shrink at all.  With those findings and the side effects I was having from the chemo, Dr. Schott, Dusty and I decided to stop the clinical trial.  She said to take the holidays and January off from treatment.  Two months of freedom!  I will have scans again at the end of January and we will decide then what chemo to do next.

I am so thankful to spend the holidays out of a chemo haze and feeling better than what I did the past nine weeks.  

We’re going to try and squeeze in a family trip too.  It makes sense to do that now while I’m not on chemo and feeling as good as possible.

Thank you for your prayers, cards and continued support.  We love all of you and couldn’t do it without you.   

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Snap Back to Reality

9. November 2011 by Lindy.

A few months ago when I found out I had more cancer, I had an epiphany.  For two and a half years we’ve been praying that God will take my cancer away.  I’ve been prayed over.  Prayed on.  Hands have been put on me in prayer.  Prayed beside of.  Annointed.  We’ve begged God to heal me.  People I don’t know and have never met pray for me.  Beautiful little children pray for me.  Congregations pray for me.  People in other cities, states and countries are praying for me.  All of these people have said a prayer on my behalf! 

I know God hears these prayers.  Yet He is choosing not to answer them.  That hurts.  It’s confusing.  It’s personal.  I know He loves me and He can heal me, but He won’t. He’s choosing to let the cancer win. 

I was tired of begging for healing.  So I took a new approach.  Complete submission.  His will is perfect.  If His will is for me to have cancer, so be it.  I don’t understand it.  I don’t think I have to.  What I do understand is that He loves me.  He loves my family.  He will take care of my family.  His will is perfect.   So that is where I rest.  I’ve had so much peace since that epiphany.  No more wrestling with Him.  Simply submitting to His will.  He is in control.  

Yesterday I met with my doctor at U of M before chemo.  It was a wake up call.  Apparently I was living in an alternate universe where I thought I could still beat cancer.  I thought with the right concoction of drugs we could kill every last cancer cell and I would get my life back.  That is not the case.  There is nothing, short of a miracle, that will get rid of my cancer.  My disease is too progressed.  They’re giving me chemo to give me a longer life.  The Clinical Trial I’m on will not cure my cancer.  Nothing will.  We’re biding time.  They want to keep me alive and comfortable.   

I was told I am going to die from metastatic breast cancer.  That I should do things that I’ve wanted to do.  I’m only going to get worse.  That I should talk to my kids if I haven’t already.  No time limit was given.  All of that was hard to hear, especially before getting poisoned.   

It’s so unfair to Dusty and my kids.  That’s the worst part of all.  They have to suffer because of this disease. Thank you for your prayers. 

Please don’t stop praying.  Please be bold and ask for a miracle.  Please pray for my family and friends.  Prayer Requests:

• My Family

• Peace

• A Miracle

• A Cure
  

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No Offense

20. October 2011 by Lindy.

On Tuesday I started another 21 day cycle of chemo.  The infusion went as it did the first time.  I feel so sick.  Like a really bad flu that won’t go away.  My hair is falling out, but not drastically.   I’m not going to shave it off like I did the first time.  I’m going to wait and see what happens.  Maybe it’s just thinning.  That was a possibility.

Last night Brooklyn came home from church.  I was laying on the couch and she came over to give me a hug and kiss good night.  She said “I just really want your cancer to go away.”  I said “Thanks hon.  I do too.”  She said “I want your hair to keep growing.  You know, like it used to be?”  I said “I do too.  That’s what I’m shooting for.”  She said “Remember when you were normal and we used to run around and kick the soccer ball?  I just want your cancer to go away so you can be a normal mom…no offense.”  As she darted down the steps to her room I said “none taken.”  Those were the days.  God willing I’ll have them again.

The birthday party was fantastic.  The twins are three.  They had their 3-year check up on Monday and they healthy little buggers. 

You can do it Max!  Blow!

Samantha in her tutu

The kids and their presents

 

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Chemo

11. October 2011 by Lindy.

Chemo and the Clinical Trial Drug is given to me in 21 day cycles.  Two weeks on, one week off.  Start again.  Two weeks on, one week off.  Again and again and again.  My life will be lived in 21 day cycles.  Strange thought.  Right now I’m in my first “week off” and it’s not how I thought it would be.  While it’s not as horrible as A/C and Taxol, it’s not a walk in the park either.  So far I’ve had terrible stomach aches, migraines, extreme fatigue, nausea, vomiting and chills.  On Sunday when it was 80 degrees outside, I was under three blankets and couldn’t get warm.  I wanted to turn on the fireplace and lay in front of it.  I was so tired I laid on the couch or bed all day.

I’d like to say THANK YOU for all the freezer meals.  They are being used faster than what I thought.  They’ve been such a blessing.  Dusty has his hands full with the kids so it’s one less thing for him to do.  We’re fine with them eating mac and cheese or spaghettios, but not at every meal.  So this gives both of us peace of mind that they’re getting a good meal too.  God bless you.

On a brighter note, it’s birthday season in our household.  Believe it or not, but Max and Samantha turn three on Saturday.  It’s been so fun watching them grow.  Kind of sad because I feel like I’ve been doing it from the sidelines, but blessed that I’ve been here nonetheless.  Max loves wearing his Detroit Tigers hat and his sunglasses.  He loves riding the tractor with Papa Mel and going to “Donald’s” (McDonalds) for nuggets and “hot fries” with Papa Dale.  Samantha calls everyone in the family “honey pie” and jumps all around.  She loves watching Mickey Mouse and it’s what she asks for from sun up to sun down.  She also follows her big sister wherever she goes.

My dad and Jill both have their birthdays next week Tuesday, October 18.  I will not divulge their ages, but if you see them, give them a big hug and wish them happy birthday.

Brooklyn turns eight on Sunday, October 23!  Can you believe that?!  EIGHT!  I look at her little life and realize she’s been through so much.  The past three years haven’t been easy or normal for her.  Whatever normal is.  I remember when Max and Samantha were born she was nine days away from turning five.  She was so confused as to where her sister was and why she couldn’t see her.  She would come to the hospital and hold Max and then wonder about Samantha.  Nine days later, on Brooklyn’s 5th birthday - October 23, 2008, the doctors at DeVos released Samantha from the hospital.  Brooklyn still talks about that being the best birthday present.

So in a nutshell, life is tiring and busy right now.  I am greatly blessed by having the husband, kids, family and friends that I do.  I couldn’t do this without them.

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September

28. September 2011 by Lindy.

September 4

My dear, sweet, loving, ever-by-my-side husband celebrated his 37th birthday.  On Saturday, the day before his birthday, we enjoyed a Tiger’s game in Detroit with Dale and Jana (Dusty’s dad and sister).  It was sweltering in the stadium, but thanks to Jana who froze water bottles, all was well.   We hadn’t been to the new stadium before and I was so impressed.  I had been to the old stadium as a kid and this one is so much better.  Oh and the guy I sat next to in the stadium is from Zeeland and delivered mail over 40 years!?  Not only that, but he used to play ball with Dusty’s dad.  Small world.

This picture was taken with my cell phone.

Don’t you love the look on the kids faces.  I read their faces as saying  ”Mom!  Take the picture already! Did you see this cake?”

September 24

Race For the Cure!  Thank you to everyone who participated on my team, but also to those who participated on someone else’s team.  Thank you Jen Dykens and Jill Graves for organizing the team again this year.  

Brooklyn walked the whole 5k!  Go Brooklyn!

  

 

September 27

First Day of Chemo at U of M.  Jill was my chemo buddy the first time around and she demanded to be my Tuesday chemo buddy this time too.  She really did demand it.  I told her I could drive myself to U of M, but she wasn’t having it.  Good thing too…more about that later.

Instead of showing up in comfy lounge pants and a T-shirt like a normal person I wanted to look good.  Why not right?  So I did my hair, put on make up and wore earrings.  

We are ready to go!

Here are a few sights we see on the way to U of M.  I’d like to thank Jill for her photo taking ability and please keep in mind that I was going around 75 to 80 mph when these pictures were taken.

Here is the gas station and restaurant in Fowlerville that made me think of the word gastaurant:

Now this always makes me laugh.  If you look close it says DADS INN.  Not DAYS INN.  It used to be a Days Inn, but some poor person bought it.  I’m guessing they didn’t want to buy into the franchise and couldn’t afford a whole new sign so they bought one new letter.  You can still see where the “Y” once was and at night the new D shines orange instead of yellow, but so what, right?  It’s funny and it makes me laugh.

We finally arrive at U of M.

Jill’s most favorite thing at U of M isn’t the grandness of their campus.  Not all the learnin’ that’s going on inside those buildings.  Not the cool artwork displayed in their corridors.  Not even the cafeteria food.  Jill’s most favorite things are the buses.

So we go inside and after a while they start my chemo.  Here I am getting my first infusion at U of M.

We watched a movie while I was getting my drip.  My thumbs were up because I was feeling good.  The last hour of chemo didn’t go as well as hoped.  I started feeling very nauseous and wound up vomiting and being sent home with a puke bucket and some ginger ale.  Oh well…such is life with chemo.

Today I feel very tired and for everything else I have a prescription.  I can tell it’s going to be a long road ahead.  Going to U of M twice a week isn’t going to be easy, especially not feeling well.  It is what it is.

Thank you for the prayers and support you give our family.  We are blessed by you.

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Freezer Meals and Gastaurants

19. September 2011 by Lindy.

Thank you to everyone who is bringing us a meal.  As of right now (Monday morning) we are all set with meals.  So if you were going to contact me, but haven’t had a chance yet, we are all set.  Thank you for the thought.  I think my freezer will be so full it may explode. 

Speaking of food.  If you have time and want to read my silly little story read on.  If you’re in a hurry, you can close this now. 

On our trip to U of M last Thursday I was convinced I came up with a new word all by my big bad self.  There is a gas station in Fowlerville with a restaurant attached to it.  It always catches my eye because it has a blue roof and has a Germanesque feel to the building.  So I thought to myself…there should be a name for gas stations that have restaurants attached to them.  Eureka!  Gastaurant!

So in my moment of brilliant glee I blurt out GASTAURANT to Dusty.  He says..”huh?  What?  What are you talking about?”  He has that intense look on his face.  He likes to pretend he’s a race car driver and tends to get road rage with people who go below the speed limit and ride in the left lane.  I say “gas station + restaurant = gastaurant!  I made up a new word!”  A few miles later, after I wouldn’t stop talking about how awesome I am, he had the audacity to challenge my amazing mind and said “google it”.  How dare he?!   

“Google it?” I say.  So I did.  Did you know Gastaurant is in the encyclopedia?  Neither did I.  Here’s the definition:

Gastaurant
`Gastaurant`, a portmanteau of gas station and restaurant, refers to a class of fueling stations which also incorporate a franchise-based restaurant (such as McDonald`s or Taco Bell) in the same facility.  

Who knew?  Not me. 

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Buckle Up!

16. September 2011 by Lindy.

Dusty and I met with Dr. Schott at U of M yesterday and went over our options.  She said that while I do qualify for two of their clinical trials, one of them doesn’t make a lot of sense for me. 

That left either a clinical trial or a standard method of treatment.  She explained the pros and cons of both and the three of us decided to go for the clinical trial.  There are only 40 people in the United States that will do this trial.  U of M has five spaces and one of them has already been used (successfully!).  I will be their second guinea pig. 

I suppose I should feel fortunate that I qualify for a clinical trial.  That it could prove successful in treating cancer and someday be passed by the FDA and given to patients.  At the same time, it shows just how bad my cancer is.  Depressing.

The clinical trial is a parp inhibitor with chemo given through an IV.  The catch to all of this, is that within the next ten days I need to get an MRA (yes A, not I) of my brain, more lab work and a power port put back in.  I’m getting a Power Port put back in next week Thursday - Thank you Dr. Hoberman!  I can check that off the list.  I’m on the “urgent board” at U of M for the MRA.  I will need to leave at a moments notice when they call.  My first treatment/infusion is scheduled for September 27.  Yikes.   

This treatment plan will be a grueling as far as time is concerned.  We don’t know how it’s going to affect me physically yet.  The treatment HAS to take place at U of M in Ann Arbor.  It cannot be done at Metro Health who is affiliated with U of M.  Bummer.  

I will go to U of M twice a week for two weeks then get one week off and start all over again (21 day cycle).  It’s a lot of back and forth.  It will be like losing two days each week between all the traveling and getting the infusions.  This will go on as long as I’m responding to treatment (6 months +) or until I call it quits.  Dusty is going to have his hands full!  So please say a lot of prayers for him.   

Now I need to ask for help.  If you know me, you know I don’t like to ask for help and I don’t like to accept it.  So here it goes.  If anyone is willing to bring a freezer meal, it would be greatly appreciated.  We have a deep freezer in the basement which we emptied when we moved.  It’s still 95% empty.  I will happily accept meals until it’s full.  If you can bring us a meal, please send me an email to let me know when you can drop it off:  lindyvb@hotmail.com.  We eat anything.  Just not deer or buffalo or horse or frogs, snake or anything crazy.  Just normal stuff.  That would be a tremendous help.  Did I mention we’re Vegans?  Just kidding.

Keep Holding On…   

     

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Happy and Angry

14. September 2011 by Lindy.

HAPPY- 

Happy Birthday Kathy Timmer!

If you see Kathy, today is her birthday and she deserves the best birthday in the whole wide world.  So if you see her, give her a hug, a high five, a card or a 50 dollar bill (I will not reimburse you) because she is awesome.  She has cared for my babies since they were born and doesn’t want to stop.  She is the most selfless, giving, kind, caring, compassionate person.  If you don’t know her, you should because you’ll be a better person for it.  We love you Kathy.

____________________________________________________________________________________

ANGRY-

Let me remind you that cancer sucks.  Say it with me…CANCER SUCKS!  Say it with force, anger and vengeance.  It’s okay kids, I think you’re parents will let you say “sucks” when you put cancer in front of that word. 

I went to U of M yesterday.  I am going back tomorrow to meet with Dr. Schott, but I called this morning to find out the results of the tests.  Here we go…

LUNGS:

Previously I had three spots on my lungs.  They noted “multiple” spots on yesterday’s scan.  They have measurements for six of them.  The nurse practitioner isn’t sure if “multiple” means six or if it means more.  I guess we’ll know more tomorrow.

BRAIN:

A new spot has been found on my brain in my right cerebellar region. 

So in a nutshell, I have more cancer.  This means that I have more options they want me to consider for treatment.  One of them is still the chemo pill and the other two are clinical trials (chemo) through an IV. 

Please pray for:

• Guidance for what treatment to go with

• Clarity

• My Family 

Posted in Feeling, What's New | 17 Comments »

Scanxiety

11. September 2011 by Lindy.

If my scanxiety had a color coded level like the terror threat level, my scanxiety level would be on red.  I leave for U of M on Tuesday at o’dark-thirty and we’ll have the results on Thursday.  Either way, I’m fairly sure I’ll start Xeloda (chemo pill).  Oh and I know our government no longer uses the color coded threat level system.

To read Time Magazine’s article about Scanxiety click below.  It’s a good read.  http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,2075133_2075127_2075107,00.html

Moving on…

Brooklyn began second grade with Mrs. Cousins on Tuesday and while this wasn’t her first crack at school, it was her first time on the bus.  Oh my oh my, I think I said 50 prayers that day.  Please let someone allow her sit with them…Please don’t let anyone be mean to her…Please let her get off the bus at the right spot…Please let her find the right bus after school…Please let her get off the bus when it gets back to the point where she got on, etc.

I think I earned the gold medal for most worried and spazed out mom about the bus.  In my defense, not only could I see the school from where we lived last year, I could see her classroom window from our living room.  I know it’s time to loosen the apron strings, but I’m not cutting them yet.

She got off the bus that day smiling from ear to ear.  She loves the bus, her teacher and all her friends.  Thank God for small blessings.  Thank God for Alex Boeve who made room for Brooklyn in his seat that morning.  Thank you Alex!  I could hug you.  I won’t because I know it might embarass you.

We had a retirement Open House for my dad last night.  He worked with Genzink Plumbing for 44 years.  For those of you dying to know, he owns around 960 hats.  I can’t remember the exact number he gave me, but it’s around there.

I will let you know what we find out on Thursday with regards to my scans.

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